Elon Musk tells first explorers they will be dead on Mars and hires Onion staff for a fake Mars war of the worlds scare

Luke Frey
   Elon Musk is loco and a psychopath who has found a niche to getting investor foolish money into pipe dreams of landing on Mars and now apparently fighting little green martians. News came the other day that Elon Musk wanted to buy the Onion Magazine but now is just slowly buying all of the writers for a secret mission. This secret mission is going to be an attempt by Musk to extricate more money form government form a Martian invasion scare

According to our inside sources Elon Musk will be eventually be promoting the idea that Martians are on ahhh Mars and considering an attack on Earth and that his company needs government money and massive war type spending. Elon Musk will put into the minds of the worlds dumb-down population 

that an actual Star Wars will take place and rich wealthy plutocrats like himself will save the Earth and conquer Mars if supplied properly with infrastructure spending. Elon Musk said that the first Martian human explorers will likely die but this hypothesis didn't get him the pres coverage he had hoped. Elon will make up a fake news story combining HG Well's class War of the Wolds' with the eighties movie Mars attacks along with the character

Crypto form the classic video game Destroy All Humans. Elon basically wants to recreate the scare that Wells did on radio back in the day but instead Elon will uses the medias power and availability to buy up all networks to play up the doomsday scenario of a fake Martian attack that would be believed by 90 percent of the scientific community like Bill Nye, Stephan Hawking, and Neil Grass De Moron.

Elon Musk knows his rockets are going no where long term without war expenditure and excuses for a phony war with little green men hell bent on destroying the Earth to open up their little green shops. Elon Musk trying to hire every top satirical writer and his stupid grinning talk of death for first martian brave explorers is basically summing up to more and more the bullshit con man Elon Musk is... always has been and always will in life here on planet Earth.