Jake Glass
The Department of Wilfdlife management chased and shot down a roaming crazy cougar that had set its hungry eyes on a small house cat near in downtown Salt lake City. What exactly was a cougar doing in boring Salt lake City is not known as there are not many bars or wild life in this Mormon stronghold but Utah animal control agents moved in on quick to this Mountain Lion that had been seen all day going through the back allies and eyeing the loud crows of the area. Two teenagers had spotted the big cat and it took half an hour for them to convince their parents they were not smoking reefer or chewing qat and that their sightings and proclamation of a cougar were indeed real and not fake news.
Officials say it is highly unusual for Pumas to get into urban areas and not be seen or reported before being discovered in areas of high human density but this should be taken for a grain of salt as Coyotes have long learned to live within areas of high human and pet concentrations of mass. officials stressed they didn't want to shoot the animal with drugs because in the dark the drugs could be lost and someone might stumble upon them and then inject themselves and ahhh I don't know turn into a wear wolf or something. This explanation of course is absolutely absurd and there is no reason that they could not have darted this crazy cougar and then ship him off into the middle of the desert or somewhere and have him prey on lizards and camels.
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